


Three Times Fitz Told Simmons He Loved Her (Or He at Least Tried To)

by infinitestarsintheskye



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I'm Sorry, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-13 16:12:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4528569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinitestarsintheskye/pseuds/infinitestarsintheskye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And One Time He Told Someone Else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer- I Own Nothing, Marvel Owns All.

One. 

They do say that there are many ways to tell someone you love them, wear your seatbelt, wrap up warm it's cold out, things like that. Telling someone you love them is never usually a planned event. It tends to be more of a spur of the moment kind of thing. Sometimes someone will do something or say something that just makes something click so satisfyingly inside of you, and it just falls out, as easily as a sigh. Other times it knots up inside you, twisting and turning, as if you'd swallowed a snake, getting tighter and tighter until it can't twist any further and the whole knot just bursts open, similarly to a firework going off, with hopefully less explosives. Sadly in the case of Leopold Fitz, the first time he told Jemma Simmons that he loved her, it was very much the latter, explosives and all.  
He was ready to die then. In that godforsaken pod. He'd done the maths, worked out the statistical probability of his survival and placed the bar on the ocean floor. He wanted her to live, so much more than he wanted himself to survive. 

"I couldn't live if you didn't." 

"I feel the same way. There has to be another way-"

"You're taking it-"

"Why would you make me do this?! You're my best friend in the world!" 

And then the knot bursts, the fireworks lit. No more holding this feeling in, no more crushing this great boulder of emotions until it becomes a diamond. It just comes out.

"Yeah and you're more than that Jemma."

Silence. 

"And I couldn't find the courage to tell you. So please, let me show you." 

And there it was. All his cards laid out on the table, as they say. He often thought back to this moment, after she left, wondering. Wondered what would have happened if he hadn't said anything, wondered what would have happened if he did say those three little words. Would she still have left? Would the outcome have been any different? Would he still be stuck in the exact same position that he's stuck in now?


	2. Two

Two. 

The first thing he saw was Simmons. She was curled up in the small, uncomfortable looking chair in the corner, sleeping peacefully. The loud beeping of the machine next to him woke her from her peaceful state. The second she saw that his eyes were open she was next to his bed in a heartbeat. She looked tired, despite the fact that she'd been sleeping. Scratch that, Fitz thought, she looked exhausted. She leaned down and kissed his forehead and Fitz felt her tears falling onto his face. 

"You brave, stupid, stupid man." She sobbed. 

He tried to reply, but only garbled nonsense fell out. Fitz saw her heart breaking again as he stuttered and stumbled, barely coherent. He stared at her intently, hoping, hell praying, that the years of jokes of psychic links turned out to be true, and she understood the three words in his head that he was thinking so intensely, willing her to understand him. Her eyes searched his, trying to understand. It didn't take long for them to be disturbed by a pantheon of doctors and nurses, bursting into the room at breakneck speeds. Despite Simmons' intent protests that she was a doctor and could help, the second she had finished filling them in on Fitz coming to, she was ushered quickly out of the room, catching Fitz's eye one last time before the door was shut neatly behind her.  
The doctors explained to him the neurological damage he'd experienced, most notably affecting his speech and motor skills in his hand. They explained that he'd been out cold for nine days, explaining the bags and dark circles underneath Simmons' eyes. He'd wanted to talk to her, explain. But he couldn't and when he finally, properly could, she was gone, never, he feared, to return.


	3. Three

Three. 

"You'll be careful." 

It was less of a question, more a plea. Be careful, come back. 

"I won't be careful, I'll get the job done." 

Fitz's tone was defiantly independent, as if he wasn't going to do what he told her. He'd grown quite headstrong without her, Simmons thought.

"W-well watch your back, because I just saw Hunter with Bobbi and it made me realise that, I-" Simmons broke off. Her voice was filled with an urgency, Fitz noted, she knew what she wanted said and she was getting it out. 

"W- it's just that, we never really spoke about, what you said to me at the bottom of the ocean." 

Fitz froze, her words clearly taking him by surprise. It was true that they'd never talked about it, but he always thought she didn't want to, that she preferred it being left at the bottom of the ocean, both in the literal and metaphorical sense of it all. 

"This?" Fitz asked, turning to look at her. 

"Now? You want to talk about this now?" He asked, shock permeating his voice. 

"No." Simmons laughed in what was either relief or nervousness, Fitz couldn't quite tell. 

"We, we don't, ah." She stuttered. 

"It means a lot to me that we're friends again and I uhm, maybe when you get back we could uhm, finally just, talk about it." 

"It's," Fitz sighed. 

"There's nothing to discuss Jemma." He broke his eyes away from her, and began to walk away from her, but Simmons caught his hand, turning him back around to face her. 

"Maybe there is." Her voice was soft, but fast, her tone filling in a million blanks, saying so much in only three little words. 

Fitz looked at her in disbelief. He started towards her, the words forming only slightly on his lips, his hand raised only a fraction, when Coulson appeared at the doorway. 

"Agent Fitz, we're on the move." He interrupted. 

He could barely look back at her. If he did he wasn't sure he could have brought himself to leave.


	4. And One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

And One. 

It was late, not that you could tell, The Playground had limited natural light, and Fitz was working. He placed the probe on the glass and stood back. He noticed the rock wobble, one corner threatening to spill over, before the probe on the glass sparked, and the rock returned to its daunting solidity. Fitz stepped towards the glass case again, breathing heavily. He went to pick up the probe. He gripped it in his hand, and braced himself against the glass, his deep breaths turning gradually to sobs. He stood there for a while, not hearing the footsteps of someone entering the lab. A hand was gently placed on his shoulder, as not to scare him. He sighed and turned his head to see Skye- no Daisy, he reminded himself. She'd decided to honour her parents with the name change, not the people they had grown to be, but the people who named her that in the first place and Fitz felt he had no reason to question that, even if it did get confusing at times. 

"No luck?" Daisy asked softly. 

Fitz just shook his head in reply. This had been the umpteenth attempt at bringing Simmons back in the two months she'd been gone. He'd lost count after fifteen. He turned his head back to the glass and looked at the thing that seemed to live to mock him. 'I stole the thing you love most in this world and there's nothing you can do about it.' It seemed to say, every single time he looked at it. It was mocking him, making a fool of him, probably living off of his pain and grief. His breaths became deeper again, his sadness turning into anger and pain. He slammed his fists against the glass in frustration, yelling at it, pounding it until his hands were numb, screaming until he felt hoarse. He turned back to look at Daisy, who'd moved back away from him. 

"It's not fair." He murmured as he walked towards her. 

"IT'S NOT FAIR!" He screamed pointing at the glass case. 

"It's not fair." He sobbed, tears falling down his face. 

He sat down at the chair by a nearby desk, and placed his head in his hands. Daisy slowly walked over and knelt next to him. 

"I love her." Fitz breathed. 

"And we spent so much time acting like idiots this year. I never actually got to tell her. Not properly." The end of his sentence was muffled by sobs raking through him again, but Daisy understood. 

"You'll find her Fitz. I promise." Daisy said gently.

Fitz got up, seemingly forcing himself up and out of the chair. 

"Well," he said, walking over to the glass case and ripping off the probe before tossing it, hard to the other side of the lab. 

"Don't make promises you can't keep." 

He left the lab after that, but Daisy knew he'd be back. He'd be back every single day until Simmons was back. Back with him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention I'm sorry? I cried whilst writing this chapter, I won't lie. Thank you so much for reading possibly the most angsty fic I will ever write.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello readers! This fic will be updated every Saturday, I promise and I hope you enjoy it despite all the angst I'm about to throw your way.


End file.
